I have been getting used to wearing suits, gained a job in finance, and spend my days bored and alone. Alas, that was the sentence after all – Exile, and not much was ever to be expected.  The evenings bring the solace of my sexy female companion and fermented hops beverages.  Endless baseball games on the television and the laptops, thanks to the miracle of technology.

Knocking on the door of another Father’s Day without my children.  The feeling of spinning wheels is hard to avoid.

And something about “the wages of sin is death” was not ringing true at all.  Living with it is far more painful that not living at all.  Not too long ago, back home, I found myself in a very strange kind of hell.  Having at my fingertips almost every kind of indulgence known to man, I consumed wildly.  At some point I came to the realization that there was no satisfaction:  that I could eat forever and still be hungry,and drink all day and night, and never quench the thirst.

There is no escape from the pain caused from past indiscretions.  One must embrace it, become comfortable with it, learn to live with it.  All those actions past will be your roommate and companion for the rest of your life.  The past and all its consequence travels with you like an old friend that you just don’t like to be around anymore.

And as I find myself alone and buzzed by exotic drinks on Fathers Day, I want only to hear my childrens’ voices, to see their smiling faces.  There is no longer doing things for yourself, once you become a parent, there can only be one focus, no matter how far away you go.

We have become a nation of complainers.  Complain about work, complain about not being able to find work.  Complain about taxes once we do, complain about the weather, complain about the commute, complain about the cost of the drink in the restaurant you are in, complain, bitch, and moan.  Get together with your like minded friends so you can all salve your various similar wounds and complain about them to sympathetic ears.

And do not forget to point fingers.  Surely it is all “their” fault.  And add a lot of “If Onlys” and “Remember Whens.”

What ever happened to “Set your own house in order”?  Keep your head down and plow through.  Fuck ‘em.

In the negative is degeneration and subtraction.  There is no solution there in. The only answer has to be positivity, production, and perseverance.  My patience is gone.  I will hear no more of this.  And yet, here I am part of the problem.  I am done complaining about complainers.

And there were two American girls there, but Ace could not tell if they were with the foreigners or with themselves.  Either way they did not speak to him, or anyone else.  Ace lost a good amount of money quickly and left silently.  He felt a paranoia setting in quickly, which may or may not have been justified.

The good hands he got he played and ended up losing on the river.  Or, he folded hands that turned out golden.  Things were not lining up.

The lesson was this: When dealt a good a hand, play it hard and fast; when you are dealt a marginal hand that feels good, follow that intuition.  There is no defense against blind luck and reckless abandon.

The faster you learn this the better off you will be.  Life is the business.   Karma is your creditor, and your credit is unlimited.  Just beware that you will have to give as much as you take.  It is unavoidable.  There truly ain’t no easy way out.

Suffering for Joy, Joy for Suffering.  Gain for Loss, Loss for Gain.  And so on and so on; the true circle of Life.  No action without reaction.

I suspect this will be a mixture of regretful rants, sports gambling tips, general complaints, political/social commentary and hard-earned nuggets of wisdom, but we shall see….